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Saturday, January 15, 2005
One week has pass again, same thing at the same time same place but different location. Same reason why I came out again. Couldn’t stand rotting at home. Life for me has been different, very different. So tired, dun noe why……maybe because of her again, I noe, I noe…. Many people have told me a lot of time, why so stress, so stress for what, even you are stress abt her or worry about her, she still wont be friend with you lor. I know saying is easy but doing it is another issue lor.
I’m just so tired right now, I need to break free from all these, apparently I can’t, why, because she never answer me why, that’s why. I know is a stupid thing to say lor, but anyway I never been clever lor, I know its sucidal but I still do it lor, why? Dun know why, it is always the case lor, maybe because of my way of fighting judo lor. I learnt counter technique, I know chances of countering is very slim, very sucidal, but I still do it just for the sake of winning. Ten times maybe u can get it once, so in order to increases the chances I got to get thrown so many times, these are the pain that I got to endure but now improve. Is it stupid, I can just learn something that is offensive, less pain.
I know everyone been helping me or scolding me to wake up, but I choose not to lor. I shall choose to wait, I know she had done drastic things liao, but I still will treat as friend, why must I do that? Dun noe leh, maybe recently thinking her as my 1st piority lor. Now I have lost my 1st priority, I’m quite lost, I know she dun like it but I couldn’t help it. Anyway history has just repeated itself.
Dun know how have she been, maybe happily living her life over there lor. Hope she is fine, nothing bad would happen to her. I know now I’m a irritating person, you might never ever talk to me again, but I will still be there behind you lor, very very far behind, maybe you wont even or want to notice me, but I will still be there. I know I have been pressurize u to give me an answer whether can we talk things, can we still be friends and etc, but I’m tired, I’m tired being ignored, tired of being treated like rubbish, throw away when u dun like it. Have you ever thought of how I feel. You also know how I felt for you, and u told me u wont ignore me, but not u did ignore me. I know its wrong to sent you that sms, but I never knew that you did this so drastically. I need a break now, but because of your drastic action, I couldn’t give myself a break or break free.
I know I’m being selfish asking so much from you, I just want my life back, living the way it is, just like last time, toking to you happily, forget about what I say to you and live the way as it is. Can you? I know I’m asking a lot from you, but I just want my life back, Can you give it back to me? Please?
Emotion can be controlled but feeling can’t
brakes applied at |Saturday, January 15, 2005|
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